Coffee and Talk

The beginning of my healing journey, believer or not, did not start with yoga, meditation, or anything like that. What started my healing journey was my job. For 20 years now, I have worked in property management. Early on, I realized that this is a business where you can become very successful. However, working in property management, whether in high-rises, townhomes, or any other kind of association, can be very challenging, mainly because of dealing with people can be a pain in the a$$. My theory is that because we are, in some way, working in somebody’s home, we often see the worst in people. Don’t get me wrong, I have met many good, caring, thoughtful people as well, but they are not the ones who poke those unhealed spots.

In the early years of my career, I found myself triggered several times in different situations, either by residents yelling at me in my office, receiving mean emails because I didn’t do what they wanted, being called names, or having my competence questioned. This is just to give you a general idea of what I have experienced in this line of work. These are the kind of people that yell at a cashier at a grocery store, or at the customer service attendant trying to help them out. Nevertheless, something like this is not easy for anyone to hear, even when you know it isn’t true. But when we have deep wounds inside, wounds that we didn’t even know we had, they get triggered by these external factors, causing hurt, frustration, and putting you in a pissed-off mood.

But then what? Either I was going to figure out another career which probably would not free me from dealing with people completely, or I had to make a choice to understand why people who didn’t even know me—the real me—were having such a strong effect on my life. I then made two important decisions: first, I was going to become successful and really good at what I do; and second, I was going to use my line of work as my personal path to discover and heal whatever shows up. I began to pay attention, analyze, and understand why certain comments or situations upset me. Why was I feeling so hurt by them? This became a daily exercise in my life. Let’s be truthful: we all have little things, and some not-so-little things, that bother us over the course of a day. Being aware of them and how they make us feel, and then going deeper by understanding why we feel that way, is called growth. I began to heal every little piece of me that I didn’t even know needed healing.

The really cool thing about this is that it started to expand into other aspects of my life—my friendships, my romantic relationships, and my relationship with my children. We often hear “don’t take it personally,” but it’s so hard to do when you are wounded deep inside, and you are not even aware of it. When someone tells you, or you read in a book or online article, that others are your mirror, it’s hard to understand what that means. But when you are on the path of self-awareness, self-healing, you start to realize that all it means is that the situation or person is reflecting something within you that needs work. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person; it’s just the universe giving you hints about the next thing you are ready to heal within yourself.

Day by day, one little thing at a time, I started closing some of those wounds. I finally understood that someone’s actions and hurtful words say more about them than about me. I realized that when a person is unhappy with their life, or when they are hurting, sometimes the only way they know to feel better is by hurting others. All I can do for them is to I wish them to heal.

Of course, there will always be a new challenging situation that will come along to bring a new wound to the surface, but I know I’ll choose to heal it, not just push it down and cover the surface with a band-aid. I know when I have truly healed from something when a similar situation happens again, and I am simply not bothered by it. The external environment no longer interferes with how I feel—that is my thermometer—that’s when I know.

It takes courage to look within, see your flaws, get out of the victim mindset, understand yourself, and how you affect others. The beautiful thing is that as you face and recognize your triggers, you realize how strong you are. This awareness is a sign that you are now ready to heal, to understand, to let go, and to be free.

In case you are wondering, yes, I became successful and really good at my job. And yes, I continue to choose every day to use unpleasant experiences as opportunities for healing. By sharing this perspective with those who work with me, I hope they will also find their way to heal.